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Wednesday, April 13, 2011

loss is nothing else but change

&& change is Nature's delight Marcus Aurelius

photo courtesy of Samuel Bitton





So the last 24 hours of my life have been such a whirlwind. Last night, I received a call that my abuelito was not doing well and he passed away shortly after. I have some fond memories of that man. He was caring and really tall and I always felt tiny compared to him. At least once or twice a year growing up, we would fly out to Palos Altos, Jalisco, Mexico which is this tiny little town about an hour and a half Northeast of Guadalajara. Now when I say tiny, I mean this town was really tiny! It's grown now, but the population is still just under a thousand and I can guarantee you that a huge chunk of that population is related to me somehow.


Now I LOVED visiting. Minus the zancudos which loved to bite me, it was great! I had so much freedom! As a kid, I remember walking down this long road from my Grandparent's house and after walking for a bit, I could either turn right and head to my Tia's house or I could go straight for a bit longer and head to my other Tia's house to play with my cousins. Or if I was craving a snack, I could turn right at the end of the road and keep walking (while passing another Tia's house) and go to the little store and grab a snack for a few pesos (I used to LOVE getting sodas because they would poor them in a little sandwich bag and stick a straw in it for you so they could save the bottle. I thought it was SO COOL!)


My abuelita was always cooking and I remember I had some miniature versions of her cookware so while she was making the amazing food she did, I would make little bite size homemade tortillas with the extra masa. It was a grand ol' time! I loved being in this different world spending time with my family. It's one of those humbling moments that always made me appreciate what I had back home and learn to enjoy the little things that life always has to offer.


So now, I sit here after a long day of tying up loose ends before I leave and let me to tell you, I TOTALLY felt like a chicken with my head cut off today (and I know what that looks like! My aunt would get live chickens and this was part of the chicken cooking/preparation process. not pretty). I was scrambling to get things done, wishing hard that my mom's passport would come in time, and praying for the sanity to make it through the weekend. And THEN to top it all off, I've been upset with myself for not visiting my family sooner. Isn't it awful how it's these types of things that bring people together? It shouldn't have to be like that EVER.

Period.


I think I was most upset that I didn't jump on the opportunities to visit sooner and now it kind of feels like it's too late. This is one of those moments that makes you realize how valuable time is with the ones you love and to really cherish that time. I was praying hard all day. For the strength to push through this. For the peace of mind of all those grieving. For the hectic-ness to work itself out and let me tell you, if you ever have a doubt that He's not there for you. GET IT OUT OF YOUR HEAD!

STAT.


I was driving to work and people driving next to me probably thought I looked like a crazy person talking to myself in the car as I was saying


"Now, I know You have a plan for me. I don't handle these things well but I know that Your going to help me get through this. I know You believe I can handle whatever it is that's coming my way so I'm going to believe it too. I'm going to get through this and at some point good things are going to come of it so I'm not going to let my TRUST in You go away"


&& sure enough, He pulls me through.


So in the next 24 hours, I have to study for an exam, do my taxes, send in some paperwork for my awesome new LC position, take my exam, fit in a run, do my internship logs, and pack. This time tomorrow I will be Jalisco-bound and out of the country for a week. Thank you to my friends and family for all the support you have shown me.

hope I was able to teach y'all some new words today :)




To my sisters, y'all are amazing and never fail to show me that We truly Live for Each Other






So do not fear, for I am with you;


do not be dismayed, for I am your God.


I will strengthen you and help you;



I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Isaiah 41:10

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